kaumana caves

Wow.  What an experience this was!  I haven't gone caving since I was 13 with my older brother Xandon when we explored a bunch of caves out in Kentucky.  I really enjoyed myself back then and wasn't really scared, so I figured it would be the same this time too.

However, let me just preface this whole post by saying that I am 24 years old and still scared of the dark.  I can handle bugs, snakes, heights; let me jump out of an airplane again or stand on a tall tower and lean over the edge.  Sounds great!  Just don't give me darkness.  I'll admit it; when I have to turn out the light and crawl into bed, I still take it at a run and pull my heels up under the covers as quick as lightening before the evil monster with claws and white fingers stretches a hand out to grasp my ankle and pull me under where he will stab out my eyes and shred my body to pieces.  So this whole experience was a biiiiig stretch for me.

Here are some of my pre-cave shots of all the lovely surrounding foliage, to give you a false sense of tranquility and safety.

Originally, we were going to visit Kaumana caves back in June, but it was a very "spur of the moment" type of thing that we didn't think through very well and didn't bring flashlights.

(Note to people who live in Hilo: you could probably set up a stand across the street selling flashlights, batteries, and other miscellaneous stuff and make a killing.  We weren't the only ones who had to ditch our cave plan that day because we didn't bring our flashlights.)

It's a decent-sized cave (this lava tube is 25 miles long) and it was really busy that day; there was a large tour and lots of other tourists checking the place out.  With the big crowd, this place didn't seem the slightest bit intimidating.

So this Sunday we went back.  It was gloomy and overcast and the sky was crying softly.  We got there and the parking lot was deserted.  The mouth of the cave gaped ominously and there wasn't a single soul around.  I wasn't intimidated... yet.

We'd brought a small head light for me (so my hands were free to take pictures) and a flashlight for Tim and an extra light just in case.  Tim also brought a pack full of stuff and water and so on.  We made our way down into the still black of the cave.  It was about ten times more ominous than the last time we'd dropped by because we were the only ones there.

This is the entrance to the underground monster:

Due to the rain (at least, I assume it's because of the rain... maybe it's just the humidity,) the inside of the cave was steadily dripping onto our faces and shoulders the entire time we were inside.  Long vines draped from the ceiling.

Here are said vines:

A shaft of light illuminated the entrance, but several yards in it drops off and you go around the corner and it's completely black. We discovered our flashlights were not as strong as we would have liked them to be.

Actually, truth be told, we couldn't see much of anything. They were barely bright enough for us to see where we were stepping, and that was it. Another oops.

This is looking back out the entrance from just inside:

This is what it looked like without flash (so you can get the idea of how pitch-black this cavern was.

And here's basically the same shot, with flash:

Yeah, I know.  World of difference, huh?  So there are lots of cool pictures, but they don't really describe my experience.

This was when I discovered just how cool my flash is.  I knew I was going to need it to take pictures in the dark, but it ended up being far more handy than I had originally thought.  In order to focus my camera, I had to use autofocus (something I almost never touch) because it was too dark to see anything to know if the picture was in focus or not.  I discovered that when I held down my shutter, the camera would emit a flash and simultaneously focus, and then another flash and focus, and then I had to switch it back to manual in order to get it to actually take the picture.

Well the cool thing was, the flash is so freaking bright that I could sit there and autofocus and look around the cave as it flashed several times and the whole place lit up for a split second (and only for a split second,) just enough to actually see what surrounded us before leaving us in inky blackness once again.

Honestly, it was a thousand times better than a flashlight. Well, the crappy ones we had anyway.

So these pictures show a hell of a lot more than either of us actually saw while we were down there, lol.  Both of us were excited to come home and look at the pictures so we could finally see what the cave we explored really looked like! :)

To paint you a picture, this is what we saw almost the entire time we were down there:

Yeah, that about sums it up.  Except imagine this and nothing else.

I do have to say though -- this was definitely a good experience for me.  I like to tell myself that I'm brave and stuff like this doesn't scare me (and it probably wouldn't if it had been as busy as it was if we'd gone back in June) but I am SO glad it worked out the way it did.  I am thankful that we went this time.  The fact that we were completely alone allowed me to learn something wonderful about myself.

Oh yeah, and all the formations were really cool too! :)  Especially now that I can actually see them...

The further into the dead black we crawled the more isolated I felt.  We had to hunch down and crawl in many places to get through to the next part of the cave, and scramble and climb over tons of broken lava. It was absolutely still down there, buried under the earth.  I was immensely grateful that I never watched any of those horror movies where people have traumatic experiences in caves, because I don't need any help with that.  I have the most vivid imagination that I think possibly exists.  It's my greatest gift, and it can also be my greatest downfall.

I love good movies and books that get your heart pumping, but they don't do real scary experiences justice.  They're a bare ghost of the real thing; a scary mask compared to a real monster.  Sitting in a dark theater, the fear isn't real.  It's something you buy into for a couple of hours, even though you know deep down that you're safe.  But when you're alone in a pitch black cave with only the tiniest beams of light to show you where to step next... it's a totally different feeling.  Maybe there is no real danger, but this time it's not something that someone else made up.  It's your own fear you have to contend with.

And my fear... well let me tell you: my imagination is an IMAX 3-D show with digital surround sound down there in the cave with me as my hiking boots crunch lava rock, playing me images of cave-ins, horrific injuries, deaths, and worse... every time I click the shutter of my camera I'm completely certain that when I check the LCD screen to see what the picture looks like I'm going to see some gaunt, pale monster with soulless eyes standing just a few feet in front of me, watching me, about to rush at me and stab me a thousand times with a butcher knife, eat my heart with it's razor fangs, drink my blood and and keep my bones with it forever in some twisted hell under the earth and I will never see the light of day ever again!!!!

No, seriously!!  I'm not exaggerating.

This is what we actually saw:

THIS IS WHAT MY IMAGINATION SAW:

Still, we persisted.  We crawled on scraped knees across slick lava as the cave dripped liquid down onto our heads and little bugs flittered around in our dim beams.  I couldn't figure out if it was my breath I was seeing as I exhaled, or just stray dust dancing through the stale, sulfury air.  We had to climb up jagged rocks in several places, and make our way down slippery smooth stone in others.  The cave forked off a couple of times and we had to keep track of which way we went.

Finally, we stopped to rest.  Tim asked me to turn off my head light so we could sit in the complete dark.  My heart raced but I agreed, recognizing that this would be an excellent opportunity to breathe and try to still my mind.  Total and complete emptiness.  Utter silence, except for the soft drip drip of water from the ceiling and our breathing.  All I could think was, so this is what it's like to be blind.

And I had this wonderful, perfect moment where I understood that I was walking this tight balance between fear and calm, and one careless thought in the wrong direction would tip the scales; but careful focus was what made all the difference.  Careful, persistent focus... is where all of my power comes from.  I was playing a gentle tug of war with myself and I could choose my own experience.  It was exhilarating!!!!

Now I'm not going to lie; I was still scared.  It really didn't get any easier.  But I felt my own power and was able to walk with it through the emptiness.  I recognized that I have the choice.  I choose my experience.  I can do anything, and how I come out the other side is entirely up to me.

Ten minutes later, as we were still crawling deeper into the cave, Tim's flashlight went out, even though he'd just put in a fresh battery.  That sent my heart hammering, let me tell you! lol.  We decided to turn around, even though my light was still working and Tim had his back-up.  The cave was beautiful, but we could go on forever, and it seemed like some sort of sign; some signal that this would be a good place to turn around and go back.  Believe it or not, making our way out was more frightening than making our way in -- although I'm not sure why.  Maybe because going in felt purposeful and leaving felt like retreat.

The whole experience was frightening... mostly just because we were alone in the afternoon-midnight silence.  It was eerie.  When you're used to relying on your sense of sight, losing it is a shock.  It makes you feel so vulnerable.

The light at the end of the tunnel!!!!!!

When we finally came crawling back out into the sun, it was brighter than normal and the breeze on our skin felt like heaven.  Rain trickled down onto my camera, which I put away, and I felt a thousand times lighter.  I think it was so good for me.  I should do things that scare me more often!  I felt more powerful, more confident, more free.  I wouldn't trade the experience for anything!